How hard will they look, though, really? Why did they go to all the trouble of scaring the bejeesus out of us with the hour-long sermon on the futility of escape, if we were really so hopelessly trapped? Starting to think it\u2019s all just hype.<\/p>\n
After all, I did<\/em> walk out the front door without stirring the sleepy guard from his psychically induced tete-a-tete with Isis O\u2019Rourke, and that was supposed to be impossible, too. Of course, I cheated. When the game is fixed, there\u2019s no other choice.<\/p>\n I put myself in my potential pursuers\u2019 pennyloafers and decide that Amanda must be a low priority. Actually apprehending runaway psychotic teenagers surely ranks below hanging out in strip clubs or designated dickhead police-themed bars while on the clock. Goddess willing, the constables on my case are staking out my friend\u2019s houses or some other moron\u2019s destination, playing crossword puzzles and munching cream-filled pastries while waiting for me to flee starvation, sexual predators and streetkid lice into their clutches by dark or so.<\/p>\n No doubt that was the fate of most of the girls who fled unfair confinement and realized, alone and adrift, that the odds were not good for getting through a day on the streets without being hit with a big dose of something ugly. If you were lucky, it would only be some debilitating drugs and semi-consensual sex. If not-well, the streets eat stupid girls the way mantises eat wasps. Everyone knows that.<\/p>\n I mumble the mantra: move fast, blend well, and carry a broken bottle. There is a species of street predator adapted specifically to consume my kind, hungering for tender nubile meat. I was safer from bodily rape, at least, at Fairfield; there the monsters were clearly identified by their staff ID clipped to every lab coat or casual flannel, the sex blanched out of their eyes from addiction to a much greater thrill.<\/p>\n Those demons wanted only to rape my soul.<\/p>\n Which is why the watchman was watching winsome women. The real security guard is the lonely fear of dependence. The hospital, after all, is a nice enough retreat for Sylvia Plath wanna-bes and the wounded victims of tampon tragedies, if your agenda is confined to biding those agonizing years between puberty and majority with as little parent as possible.<\/p>\n Preferable, for nearly every inmate, to the madhouses we claimed for permanent mailing addresses, not that we were consulted about our wishes. But I have business to take care of, an upside-down life to set right, and the unsafest thing I could think of was one more night in the dungeon with the Suicide Clique.<\/p>\n They were starting to get to me. I\u2019d been thinking of joining, especially after she told me…<\/p>\n Enough of that. Time\u2019s a-wasting. If I get caught before reaching the Order of the Wheel, I may as well have stayed in the unfunny farm.<\/p>\n Finding it should be no trouble at all; I remember the golden Post-It on which the address had been scrawled over fifteen years ago, as if I still have it in my suit\u2019s lapel, though both the note and the fine tailory I wore that day must be dispersed dust by now. Certainly the fleshbag I had on that day has long since been integrated into the digestive systems of various nematodes and fungal agents of simplification, though I am more curious about the whereabouts of the suit than the body, since I had no say in the design of the latter.<\/p>\n I\u2019m losing the referent. I, who? The security of a world view where the first person pronoun has a static, singular meaning drifts away like the diminishing shadow of the last scrap of flotsam from a storm-shattered hundred-thousand dollar yacht. Perceptions quake and flutter from the struggle to define the world through the competing filters of rival \u201cI\u2019s\u201d.<\/p>\n This<\/em> is why they locked you up, girl, getting confused, and you know that it\u2019s going to do no good to let him<\/em> take over.<\/p>\n ~ )))0((( ~<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" How hard will they look, though, really? Why did they go to all the trouble of scaring the bejeesus out of us with the hour-long sermon on the futility of escape, if we were really so hopelessly trapped? Starting to think it\u2019s all just hype. After all, I did walk out the front door without […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,4],"tags":[71,60,59,63,64,62,69,73,66,23,70,33,67,65,152,68,72,61],"class_list":["post-63","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-transmigrant-blues","category-transmigrant-blues-round-1","tag-american-pie","tag-blog","tag-book","tag-destiny","tag-future","tag-girl","tag-goddess","tag-mad","tag-metaphysical","tag-mystery","tag-prison","tag-reincarnation","tag-riverflow","tag-transmigrant","tag-transmigrant-blues","tag-trombone","tag-war","tag-writer"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.amanamission.com\/transblues\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/63","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.amanamission.com\/transblues\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.amanamission.com\/transblues\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.amanamission.com\/transblues\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.amanamission.com\/transblues\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=63"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.amanamission.com\/transblues\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/63\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":108,"href":"http:\/\/www.amanamission.com\/transblues\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/63\/revisions\/108"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.amanamission.com\/transblues\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=63"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.amanamission.com\/transblues\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=63"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.amanamission.com\/transblues\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=63"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}