\u201cHi, Class!\u201d I say, striving to sound cheerful yet cool.<\/p>\n
\u201cHi, Victor!\u201d the class chants back at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay, this week I\u2019d like to discuss some techniques.\u201d A moth flits in and out of the flickering light cast by one of the dim fluorescent tube bulbs ruining our eyesight in the dank dayroom. \u201cCan anyone tell me what an \u2018objective correlative\u2019<\/em> is?\u201d<\/p>\n Just as I was about to start gibbering with fear and urinating all over my freshly pressed court-date suit, the judge bared his teeth, a predator\u2019s grin. He is, after all, a lawyer. \u201cOr…<\/em>\u201d he drawled.<\/p>\n The light bulb goes out. \u201cWe discussed this when we were reading Updike,\u201d I prod. \u201cHe\u2019s very skillful at it.\u201d I write the words on the whiteboard. \u201cThink about the words separately,\u201d I plead. \u201cObjective<\/em>, as in something an outside, or objective<\/em>, observer would notice. Correlative<\/em>. Like correlate. Relates directly to.\u201d I hesitate, having run out of hints. Repetition, that old standby of the incompetent, seems my only recourse. \u201cObjectiiiive. Corrrrelatiiiive,\u201d I drawl, hoping against hope that condescension will bring comprehension.<\/p>\n Mercifully, Trombone, my star student, raises a cautious hand. \u201cIs it, like, when the description of the scene includes carefully placed parallels to some theme or the silent monologue of a character? In order to reinforce semiconsciously the deeper meaning? Like, they\u2019re thinking about the Trinity, and there\u2019s three of everything around.\u201d The light clicks back on.<\/p>\n I almost rush to hug him, but of course that\u2019s stringently prohibited. Kids like Trombone make me almost glad to teach this course. \u201cThat\u2019s exactly right, Trombone! As a reward, why don\u2019t you read first today?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll need to discuss this with my client,\u201d my lawyer said, hope creeping into his voice. Indeed he did.<\/p>\n \u201cCertainly,\u201d the judge said, smirking. \u201cGo ahead. You have until the foreman tells me the jury\u2019s come to a decision. After Clarence Darrow\u2019s little performance, it shouldn\u2019t be too long now at all.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t plead,\u201d I plead. \u201cThis is a test case. The underlying law\u2019s on our<\/em> side.\u201d<\/p>\n My lawyer stared at me stonily. \u201cThe fat bald little fuck wearing the graduation robe, that\u2019s<\/em> the \u2018underlying law\u2019. Did you hear what he said<\/em>? He wants to cornhole you with a two-by-four. He can do it, too. Think he\u2019s scared of being overturned? By a panel of constipated marionettes just like him? Be grateful he\u2019s giving you a way out, enter the plea before he changes his mind, and let\u2019s get the hell out of here. I\u2019m starving, and, besides, I\u2019m absolutely dying<\/em> for a line of good coke. Do you know where I can hook up a teener or so?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut I promised myself and a lot of others I\u2019d never put it on record that I was guilty. I didn\u2019t commit any crime.\u201d I wonder who I\u2019m trying to convince. My attorney\u2019s opinion is kind of irrelevant at this stage.<\/p>\n \u201cFor chrissakes, it\u2019s a misdemeanor, like a parking ticket. If you want to spend tonight lubricating your asshole, that\u2019s your business. Myself, I\u2019m going to get wired, drunk, and laid-by a female-in that order, no matter what you decide. Make up your mind: party, or prison? Dancing till all hours of the night in a club with beautiful women, or an hour of exercise in a chained courtyard under rifle guard with a guy named Junkyard? Fucking, or getting fucked?\u201d<\/p>\n In the end, I wound up copping a nolo contendere<\/em>, something my genius lawyer would have thought of earlier, had he not directed his meditations so single-mindedly on the evening\u2019s blow and blowjobs, highballs and high times. I was given a sneezable thousand-dollar fine and 100 hours of community service, to be performed during my year\u2019s probation.<\/p>\n That was how I ended up teaching a weekly creative writing class at Sunny Oaks Correctional Institution for Men. I might have had better luck, not to mention more fun, in a women\u2019s pokey; but I have nothing to complain about. In two hours I\u2019d be leaving; in two hours and two minutes I\u2019d be sparking the doobie under my dash, driving away in perfect freedom in my own overpriced status machine.<\/p>\n ~ )))0((( ~<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201cHi, Class!\u201d I say, striving to sound cheerful yet cool. \u201cHi, Victor!\u201d the class chants back at me. \u201cOkay, this week I\u2019d like to discuss some techniques.\u201d A moth flits in and out of the flickering light cast by one of the dim fluorescent tube bulbs ruining our eyesight in the dank dayroom. \u201cCan anyone […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,5],"tags":[60,59,99,63,64,62,66,23,100,33,67,65,152,61],"class_list":["post-74","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-transmigrant-blues","category-transmigrant-blues-round-2","tag-blog","tag-book","tag-correctional-institute","tag-destiny","tag-future","tag-girl","tag-metaphysical","tag-mystery","tag-objective-correlative","tag-reincarnation","tag-riverflow","tag-transmigrant","tag-transmigrant-blues","tag-writer"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.amanamission.com\/transblues\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/74","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.amanamission.com\/transblues\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.amanamission.com\/transblues\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.amanamission.com\/transblues\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.amanamission.com\/transblues\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=74"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.amanamission.com\/transblues\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/74\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.amanamission.com\/transblues\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=74"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.amanamission.com\/transblues\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=74"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.amanamission.com\/transblues\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=74"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}